Do you want to know beyond doubt whether the person your are dating is good for you or not? Then look no further than at yourself1
I am not talking here of you being the toxic person, but that maybe the only things you can be sure of is yourself and your behaviour.
You know your usual behaviour and feelings.
Your know your usual level of calm or otherwise.
And you know how you react in normal circumstances.
At the very least you know how they were in the months before meeting this person.
So repeated or strong changes in any of these, must mean something, no?.
You can never fully know why a person acts in a certain way; all kinds of circumstances can come into play. But if you are honest with yourself, you can see changes in your own feelings and behaviours.
Whats more? If your closest and dearest are telling you that your behaviour is changing, then its another sign.
Therefore, if you keep asking yourself if their behaviour is a red flag. if you are expecting too much, or whether their actions or lack of, is normal, then maybe you can stop all that, and instead watch for changes in your behaviour, feelings and state of mind since they entered your life.
There are some common changes in our behaviour when we meet a person who is toxic for us. These could be:
- Feeling continuously anxious.
- Noticing abnormal or erratic behaviour in yourself. Examples of erratic behaviours are, raising your voice, making scenes in public, blocking and unblocking the person, checking his or her phone, following them or stalking there social media moves.
- For those who journal, the need to journal too much on the new person or your reactions, may also be a sign that this person is triggering you too much.
- Justifying their behaviour in length when talking to your friends, or even hiding it.
- Your notice your heart pounding before meeting them or when you need to speak up about something.
- You notice that you need to impress them by not being yourself. You may even lie about your past, your tastes, experiences, etc.
- The focus of your day or week is meeting them. Everything is arranged around that, and everything else pales out in comparison.
- If you are a menstruating woman, your PMS may be worse than ever.
All these are signs that this person is creating more havoc than joy in your life.
If you still want to analyse their behaviour you can still use my Red Flags Test. A high score there may confirm what you already know.
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