Romantic relationships are central to most people’s life. However, we are not taught the skills, to attract and maintain, healthy relationships; let alone, what to do, when we face relationship problems.
Many enter into a relationship for the wrong reason; such as, to make up for lack of love; fill, or escape, the void they feel inside; or because they fear being alone.
Others may enter a relationship, with the right intentions; however, due to lack of self-esteem, poor personal boundaries, or past trauma, their relationships are always problematic, or worse, abusive.
In the beginning, a relationship may seem, to give us the love and attention we need, or boost our self-esteem. In the long run, however, no one can keep us, as his, or her sole object of attention. As normality creeps in, and each partner withdraws some of their attention, and adoration, our unmet needs, and shortfalls, resurface. Now they will feel more acute because, for a while, we thought they were resolved and put behind us.
On the other hand, a person who has issues with intimacy, may give attention, and get close, when things are light and easy, at the beginning. Then they will withdraw, and close up, as the relationship progresses in true intimacy.
In this way, relationships tend to mirror our deepest needs and shortfalls and are an opportunity for growth.
What do you do when there is an emotional imbalance in the relationship?
When one partner is more in love, or emotionally invested in the relationship, than the other, it can cause an imbalance known as the Passion Paradox. The more love, the loving partner wants from the other, the less the other feels like giving. This can create serious relationship problems, and affect the wellbeing of both parties.
Through Relationship Coaching and practical relationship advice, one can reverse this dynamic.
Even relationships, entered into, by two healthy people, could encounter problems. External factors, health issues, or changes in circumstances, for one partner or both, can create relationship problems.
A relatively, modern threat to relationships, is actually due to romantic expectations and reasons. In today’s world, we expect our partner, to fulfill all our interpersonal needs. He or she must be our lover, our friend and companion, our confidant, and so on. Of course, no one can fulfill all these requirements 100%. And expecting otherwise is a recipe for failure. This Ted talk by Esther Perel explains how things have changed over time, and how to keep desire and connection alive.
Related Article: How to Beat Loneliness
Trauma Bonding and Attachment Styles
Unfortunately, some of us are unaware that we carry a very misleading model of what love is. For example, if our parents neglected us and/or spoke to us only to correct a misdoing – we may think that a person that ignores, us unless s/he needs something, or to say something mean, or bring is down is ok; in fact loves us, or wants us.
Our attachment style, created during our childhood, may push away people, or make them feel that they can treat us badly.
Further more trauma bonding reinforce this, cycle after cycle. Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.
All these play an important role in how our relationships develop. More often than not, we keep repeating a pattern until we take a good look at the core cause and try to heal it.
Unfortunately many leave it far too late, to address the issues, or to seek relationship advice, and break up may be inevitable.
A break-up, can be a good thing if the relationship has become hurtful, or worse abusive. This would be an opportunity for the abused partner, to rebuild their self-esteem. In other cases, it may be, the wake-up call, to turn things around.
Break-Up Coaching helps you go through this difficult time, or if there is the opportunity, to recuperate the relationship. However, both parties need to accept their role in the break up, and be ready to work on themselves.
Relationship Coaching and Break Up Coaching, can also take place online. Contact me here, for further information.